Kidnapped by a Fat Man
by Purr
Summary: -Naruto x SM- Sasuke receives a surprise gift on Christmas Eve. Now, he'll have to thank Naruto for getting him drunk. Inspired by a text message I received on Christmas eve.


AN: This is one of the Secret Santa drabbles I wrote for 30Houshin. I realize Christmas has passed for awhile, but I found this on my computer today, and since it's gathering dust anyways, I thought I might as well post it. Story was inspired by a text message I got from someone.

Disclaimer: Don't own anything.

Kidnapped by a Fat Man

Sasuke looked at the large red-and-white stripped box sitting on his bedroom floor. The note attached to the top beckoned, but he was cautious with packages from Naruto.

As if his month long S level mission wasn't tiring enough, now he had to deal with what was likely another one of Naruto's practical jokes, on Christmas Eve no less. Sasuke sighed and reached for the card, not bothering to remove his blood covered armor.

"Hope you enjoy your gift, Sasuke-teme. Naruto, Kakashi, and Sakura." He shook his head in amusement; so Kakashi and Sakura were in on this one too? Well, might as well as get the surprise over with so he could proceed with the hot bath he had desired for the past month. Those cold dips in forest streams during had given him a new appreciation for his warm apartment and hot water.

He grabbed one of his cleaner kunai and cut off the red satin ribbons, jumping jumped back just in time as the sides of the box fell apart. There was a single opened scroll inside, and upon closer inspection, the ANBU captain realized it looked very similar to a summoning jutsu. As if to confirm his suspicions, a poof of smoke exploded from the rice paper. Sasuke had cursed his idiot teammates, and like any competent shinobi, quickly had his katana in one hand and his kunai in the other, waiting for the smoke to clear so he could see what he was up against.

To say that he was shocked was an understatement. Standing there, weaponless, was a young woman, dressed in a fur-trimmed, red, velvet dress that showed off her lovely legs to Sasuke's suddenly hungry eyes. Golden hair pulled up in two pigtails followed down a body too slender for the deadly jounin he knew her to be. A red, silk ribbon covered eyes as blue as sapphires and a matching ribbon was tied around her hands in large bow. Sasuke unconsciously licked his lips. Well, well, well, for once it looked like the dobe did something right. He absently walked closer to his 'present', his eyes imprinting every detail into his mind forever. He reached out for another note that was tied to the bow at her hands.

"Baby, if a big fat man grabs you and puts you in a bag, don't cry. I told Santa I wanted you for Christmas - Sasuke." Sasuke recognized the bird scratch as Naruto's handwriting. He smirked; trust Naruto to come up with something so corny.

A large hand reached up to caress a soft cheek, careful not to let the dried blood on his hands taint the skin. With one swift pull, the ribbon covering Tsukino Usagi's eyes flew off.

Eyes even more beautiful than the sapphires he compared them to glared at him in anger, but before the pink lips could open, he had already taken a step forward and covered them with his own. The fatigue and cold that had taken over his body was chased away by the fire that spread through his body from the touch. He couldn't stop from moaning as her mouth opened, and he delved in to taste more of the sweetness she offered.

When the need for air finally broke them apart, Usagi looked up at him, dazed and dreamy, anger completely forgotten. Sasuke let a real smile replace the smirk he normally wore. "Mistletoe," he whispered against her lips and looked up at the ceiling, where the little green branch hung, provided by the one and only Uzumaki Naruto.

"Merry Christmas, Usagi." He didn't wait for her reply before he leaned forward to capture her lips again. He would have to thank Naruto for getting him drunk and spilling his deepest, darkest secret.

The End

AN: I'm actually working on making this a longer one-shot or even a small chaptered story, lol, maybe in time for this coming Christmas, who knows.


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